Fatherhood 101

I don't have a child of my own, but it seems to me that the most important part of being a father is never let your children see you sleep. Don't let 'em see you sleeping on the couch, don't let them be up and about while your ass is still in bed dreaming that your ex-girlfriend gets eaten by a shark, but her pussy and titties are found by the authorities and presented to you in a ceremony (I'm thinking emotional trumpets and ham biscuits.)  What were we talking about?  Oh yeah.  Don't even let 'em see you in the morning struggling, unshowered/in a robe etc. Not once as a kid was my father in bed while I was up. Even back when he was a state trooper and didn't get in til after midnight, he'd still be up and looking at me with disgust when I'd "finally" roll into the kitchen at 6:30am.  This adds to a father's mystique, which I think is very important. My father never laid a hand on us in anger (other than the before-mentioned once a year belts), but he didn't have to - we had it in our minds that if he did, that would be it; they'd find us years later in paint chips, still weakly saying "I'm sorry!"  This mystique partly due to us thinking "jesus christ...does this dude sleep?  Is he human?"  The only time we'd ever see my dad in his robe was Christmas morning, the one time of the year he'd allow himself to have a cold, always timed perfectly with opening presents.  He'd look like a bomb had gone off, wearing a robe that looked like a dog had just dug it up from the backyard and went at it with a cheese grater.  Other than that, we never saw indication that the man slept.  I'm telling you: don't let your kids see you sleep, it's all easy-peazy.