The Manny Tapes

Just changed the boy, then set him down to play with some toys while I got him an outfit. Looked over and realized HOLY SHIT!!  THE KID'S ON FIRE!!! Puffs of smoke, floating around him!!!!

Of course, turns out I had put too much baby powder on his ass. As usual. But for one, fleeting second I thought I was gonna hafta cut out one of my Frasier episodes to dream up a story to tell his parents re: how I set their child on fire. Yeesh. Bullet, dodged.








"Hahahaha! Only YOU can prevent baby fires, you fucking douche!!"

The Manny Tapes

When you spend as much time with a 2 year-old as I do, much of that time is dedicated to animals. “What’s this animal?” “What’s the ________ say?” and on and on. Every book, animals riding in cars, talking to each other, drunk-texting each other in bars, whatever. Yesterday I was getting ready to feed the Short Bus, thinking about what to give him, and I noticed he was still clutching a small plastic chicken he had been playing with for a while.

Hmm, I thought. Feels like chicken.

Is that wrong? Feeding the boy the very animal he’s playing with at the moment?

Hmm. Life: a riddle in a jack-in-the-box.







"Hmm. Hey, here's a riddle: guess which one of us actually stuffed his fat-fuck face with the chicken?"