Friday, March 7, 2008

Babies and Cats

I've noticed that there are two ways that babies are like cats. For one, just like when a cat feels compelled to go to another room, any room, the boy is the same way. The second any door opens up, he is in full sprint, deperate to get to the other side. And when the door is shut in front of him he pitches a fit, laying down crying and flailing. I'm like dude - everyone you know is on this side of the door. We feed you and change you and love you all day, every day. But no, he's GOTTA get somewhere else, no matter what! Cracks me up every time. I would never do it, but sometimes I think I should say fuck it and let him go out, walk out the house. Follow him into the street, where he'll be sitting in the cold amongst broken glass, no food in sight and basting in his feces. "Hmm" he'll think "this kinda sucks. Maybe I should stay inside."

Of course, my fear would be him saying "Well, this is still better than hanging out with your sorry ass all day, Gordon Ramsay ass-sucking faggot."

Also like cats, babies can be complete assholes. We joke about how aloof and jerky cats are, but babies are the same way. Someone can come up to the boy cooing and smiling and yammering bout how cute he is, and he'll just look at them and, more often than not, simply turn and walk away. If I do that, I'm a complete asshole. But babies? "Awww, lookit him go! attaboy!" Like a cat (and unlike adults) he doesn't even pretend to remotely like you, he doesn't do the polite dance. "Not interested, see ya fuckface!"

No comments: